A Grief Like No Other
Mike and Debbie Mattson
Apr, 2017
Mike and Debbie Mattson discovered Lory’s Place soon after their son completed suicide a year ago. The professional staff and trained volunteer facilitators have helped guide their complex grief journey. They share their story about their son Michael below:
“Losing a loved one to suicide is a grief like no other. Sadness, anger, and suffocating guilt jumble together in your heart from the very first moments. Our son Michael, age 36, died in our backyard from a self-inflicted gun-shot wound on October 21, 2015. Michael was an EMT-Specialist, accomplished musician, intelligent, and funny. From his late teens to his death he battled clinical depression, anxiety, and debilitating migraine headaches. He lived with us, and so his struggles were also ours.
Michael’s suicide has taken us into a darkness that comes in waves; good days, bad days, worse days. Our hearts ache knowing the anguish that let Michael think death was his only choice. We carry guilt, sadness, regret, and tears always just below the surface, along with our memories.
Thanks to my oldest sister we joined the Suicide Survivors Support Group at Lory’s Place just one week after Michael’s death. Both of my sisters and my niece attended with us and from the beginning we were gathered into an empathetic, matter-of-fact circle. There is a bond of understanding that only another suicide survivor can share. We are encouraged to discuss, talk, share, cry, and laugh. Our support group provides guidance, insight, tools, and opportunities to help us make the long journey through this devastating grief. We are still riding the roller coaster, but now we’re not alone.
It’s hard to convey everything that we take away from Lory’s Place every other week. We leave feeling comforted, replenished, and most of all hopeful. It’s also good to think that we have helped someone else by sharing ourselves. Lory’s Place is a shining beacon for those of us that are lost, and sadly our numbers are growing. Michael was our wonderful son and a brother, uncle, nephew, and cousin. We have all been left with many questions.
For us there are no answers, but at Lory’s Place we have learned that understanding can be enough and we can smile and laugh with our memories.
Over this first year we have been inspired to keep moving forward. We’ve gone from
living in a nightmare to seeing the shadows recede, confident there is lightness
ahead and we’re smiling. We are forever grateful to the dedicated staff at Lory’s Place,
and to all the people whose generosity makes it possible.”
Mike and Debbie share more of their story in the video below: