Ask the Experts Blog

For many recent high school graduates, going away to college is an exciting and memorable time in their life. However, the transition may not be as easy for the parents they leave behind. Although it is not a clinical condition, “empty nest syndrome” is a feeling of grief and loneliness parents may feel when their children leave home to live on their own or attend a college or university. Parents may feel a variety of emotions when their child leave home for college or other independent endeavors such as:

• Sadness at the loss of your child's daily presence and companionship
• Pride at your child's courage and accomplishments
• Pride in yourself for successfully raising your child to adulthood.
• Lost because your 'parent' job description has significantly changed from what it had been
• Confusion about what your purpose is now
• Freedom to enjoy new opportunities to follow and indulge your own interests  

Family counselor, Kris Petlick, MA, LLP, of Southwestern Medical Clinic Christian Counseling, suggests a few of the best ways to cope with the changes:

• As with any big life change, it’s important to find someone you trust to share your feelings with, particularly helpful are others that have already survived the empty nest experience. It is important to understand that you are not alone in this new stage of life.
• At the same time, focus on your other relationships. During your childrearing days some relationships are bound to be neglected in ways. Make time to reinvest in your relationship with your spouse or partner. This time is an opportunity to deepen your relationship and to see the other and yourself as more than parents. Have fun together.
• Take an inventory of the interests and hobbies you currently have or had in the past and get busy. Scheduling regular fun activities is important. Explore outside interests. Try new things.
• Reexamine your work goals and/or education goals now that you have time to invest in your own personal development.
• Use your free time to invest in your health. Begin an exercise program which is good for both your physical and mental health. Exercise boosts mood. Time spent in nature also is shown to improve mood.

Although this is a difficult time of transition for both you and your child it’s important to let them enjoy their new found freedom versus trying to hold them back.

“This time of transition into adulthood is an opportunity for growth for both the child and the parent,” said Kris. “Allow your child to explore their independence and the responsibilities that are a part of being an adult. Let them experience the consequences of their choices - both good and bad. This is how they learn.”

Trying to hold your child back when he/she is ready and eager for independence may result in resentment against the parent. The parent/child relationship can be impaired if the child is unwilling or unable to communicate and share with their parent. Support your child by being a good listener and by offering encouragement.