Ask the Experts Blog

Wondering how you will get through the upcoming months? Are you dreading certain holidays, knowing that everything has changed and that happy memories from past years can’t be recreated?

Grieving the death of a loved one is never easy and the holidays, especially the first ones, are especially difficult for those who are grieving. Family gatherings and seasonal events can be painful reminders of the absence of a loved one. But, they can also provide comforting traditions and moments to spend time with family and friends, focusing on good memories.

If you are experiencing grief over the holidays, Lisa Bartoszek, Director of Bereavement and Lory’s Place, suggests some important tips to keep in mind:

1. Only do what feels right. It’s up to you to decide which activities, traditions or events you can handle. Don't feel obligated to participate in anything that doesn't feel doable.
2. Accept your feelings — whatever they might be. Everyone takes his or her own path in grief and mourning. However you feel, accept it; and accept the inevitable emotional ups and downs.
3. Talk with loved ones about your emotions. If you want to talk about those who have died, then do so, and let others know it's OK to do the same.
4. Scale back. If the thought of a lot of holiday activities feels painful or overwhelming, try limiting holiday parties to small gatherings with your closest friends and family.
5. Acknowledge those who have died. It can be helpful to participate in a holiday tradition in the memory of the person you are grieving. You can light a candle for them, buy gifts in their name, plant a tree, display their picture, or place an item of theirs among holiday decorations.
6. Do something different. Acknowledge that things have changed; the holiday will not be the same as it once was. It may help to plan new activities and traditions, especially the first year after the death.
7. Skip it. If you feel that it will be too much for you to handle and you'd like to simply opt out of participation in a holiday, let family and friends know. Plan alternative comforting activities for yourself and let someone know what you will be doing.

Above all else, do whatever feels safe and comfortable to you. A hope-filled reminder by Helen Keller offers comfort for those who grieve: “What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.”

For more grief healing and education resources, or to talk with someone about your grief, visit www.lorysplace.org